Letting Grandma Go

I write this blog in tears. Tears of heartbreak, even though I should not be sad. My Grandma's preparing for her eternal home in Heaven with our Father. We used to laugh about how openly Grandma talked about being ready "to go". She's not a typical Grandma. She was always pretty sassy, sarcastic and no-nonsense. But that's what everyone loves about her.

Over the past 3-5 years, she's been experiencing small strokes (called TIAs), had some bleeding on her brain - caused by her blood pressure medication, go figure - and just had a rough few years.

I consider myself a devout Christian. I know when times are bad, I need to put everything in His hands. But it's hard to understand His plan some days. Grandma has done so much for others over her life. She has worked hard -- she never had it easy. And you think in her old age, she should be able to just relax and live happily ever after. Instead, she had to take care of and watch my grandfather slowly slip away from Parkinson's. Even as her own death approaches, it's slow and miserable. I just want her to be able to let go and be with Grandpa again on the other side of the Pearly Gates.

She's my only grandparent that I was able to know. By the time I reached an age where I could communicate, Parkinson's had already taken a hold of my grandpa. And my dad's parents were killed by a drunk driver before I was even born. It makes me mad. Why did I get the short end of the stick?

I know this is a depressing post. But I needed to write some of this down. My heart hurts. And the fact that I am 1,100 miles away as she goes through this certainly doesn't help. But she has family there with her and I KNOW she knows how much I love her.